What is Gentle Sleep Training?

When most parents look at my website, they see in the description the word “Gentle” and, in the same paragraph, they see “Sleep Training.” They automatically feel relieved and think “oh good! My baby won’t cry if I hire this sleep consultant.” This ALWAYS comes up in the consultation that they want to teach their little one to sleep on their own and would like a different alternative to the “Cry it Out” method. What parents really mean is they do not want their baby to cry at all!

Now let us look at this scenario. A new mother gives birth to this beautiful baby girl after having the most difficult pregnancy I have ever heard of to date. This baby is such a good baby. She feeds well, she sleeps well in her bassinet only waking for one feed during the night for the first 3 weeks of her life. Yeah, DREAM BABY, right? Wouldn’t we all be so lucky to have a baby like that.

Then the baby girl gets sick, and this wonderful sleeper could not sleep because she was so uncomfortable. So, mom starts rocking her to sleep, then rocking and feeding her to sleep, then, when that was no longer working, she started co-sleeping. This was so mom could at least get a bit of shut eye. Fast forward to seven weeks when mom and baby are not sleeping well, and dad had to move to a different bed to accommodate baby. This poor baby during the day is so cranky because she will not sleep on her own during naps and wants to be attached to mom 24/7. Dad is away working a lot and the baby would not go to him when he was home.

When she reached out to me, she was desperate and was willing to try ANYTHING!!! Well, anything that did not involve her baby crying. Her baby is already crying all day. There is no way around this! Despite me explaining what the reason was for crying, giving her a step-by-step plan as to what to do, how to soothe her when she cried, tips on how to get her to nap independently, daily schedule, feeding schedule, endless support so she is not doing this alone, she just refused to do it because it meant her baby cried. So, this mother was unsuccessful with getting her baby to sleep independently, and it was all MY fault.

What is gentle sleep training?

When I use the term “Gentle Sleep Training” it means that I will never ask you to leave your baby to cry on their own while they learn to fall asleep independently. Not unless that is your preference, and even then, I would highly advise against it because we want the little ones to have a positive experience with this process, not scare them. Once of the most common misconceptions that parents have is that if your baby is crying when you put them to bed, it automatically means you are following CIO method, which is simply not the case. Babies cry. That is how they communicate. When they are used to a certain way of falling asleep (e.g., co-sleeping, or being fed or rocked to sleep) and, suddenly, they are now sleeping alone in a dark room, you better believe they will protest. They do this to let you know they are not happy, and they want things back to how they were before. Sometimes they will fuss for quite a while until either A) pick them up and give them what they want, or B) you hold your ground and help them learn that this is what is best for them.

What is the difference between CIO and Gentle Sleep Training?

The “cry it out method” is once your baby is in bed for the night you leave and you don’t get them until it’s time for their night feed, or until you get them up in the morning. No check-ins, pats, comforts, Nada! You just let them be until they have learned to fall asleep independently. Sometimes this works, and sometimes this does not- like any method really.

 “Gentle Sleep Training” is where you are with them, providing comfort when they need it but allowing them the chance to learn how to fall asleep independently over time without you doing it for them. Yes, most of the time there are tears, but the good news is it does not last long. Once they develop a good relationship with sleep, the most horrible sleepers can become the best sleepers.

Does gentle sleep training work?

This depends on a couple of things:

1. The parent’s commitment to seeing it through
2. The baby’s personality.
3. Level of dependency babies have on their parents to put them to sleep.

I would say 85 percent of the time that gentle sleep training works If parents stay committed. Sometimes the gentle way with spirited babies simply will not work, so a firmer method works better (like I had to do with my son). If your baby is battling with health issues I would wait until they are under control before attempting any form of sleep training.

When to start gentle sleep training?

You can start formal sleep training babies 4 months old and up. Anything before that is called sleep shaping which is slowly teaching your baby healthy sleep habits as a newborn.

To sum this up, crying is baby’s form of communication to us (parents). For parents, standing our ground and creating boundaries is our communication with them. Babies can let us know what they WANT, but it is our job to let them know what is BEST for them is.

Hopefully this clears up any confusion between these two methods and I hope it helps you with any decisions you are trying to make about sleep training your little one.